omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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