Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
