I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
