dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
