You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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