I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
