i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
