girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
