Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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