Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I met the friendliest cop last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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