i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
