meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
