birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
