i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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