Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize