if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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