what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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