I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize