So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
