The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
