Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
