if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize