I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
