I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
