I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
