careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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