His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
