walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
