cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
