Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
