If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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