New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My pussy is not your playground.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
