Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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