apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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