I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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