1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize