Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it hurts more in the daytime
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
