Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
