She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
