Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
