I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm bleeding and have questions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
