His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
