we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
