you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
