Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
