Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize