I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
