i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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