he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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