When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
