So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
