hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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