I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
