I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
