I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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