What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
