I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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