I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
