I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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