You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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