I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
