I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
