Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
