GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
