we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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