I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
