Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
