i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
