Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
