Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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