Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
