finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
