this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
