He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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