She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
