Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
