I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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