you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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