I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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