Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
