there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
