I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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