i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i came on her dog
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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