I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
