So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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