He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
