by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
