It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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