Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
