Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
