Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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