oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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