I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
