If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
