all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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