I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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