i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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