Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think i got beer on your cat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
