You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize