I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
