Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
