Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
