I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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