Will you blow on my dice?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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