3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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