college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
