you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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