There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
