if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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