I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We talked him into tasing himself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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