The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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