I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You ate ashes out of my bong
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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