woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
