The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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