I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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