Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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